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LOVE BY VALENTINE’S: Back to square one on Tinder

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By STACY MAKENA
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Folks, it looks like we are back to square one after I fell out with all my potential matches last week. I have been forced to overhaul my entire chats and just make new matches.

To be honest, it is quite overwhelming. Going through the pleasantries all over again; name, hobbies, what I do for a living, where I live.

It was so mechanical at some point I had a good mind to have these details on one of my on-screen sticky notes so I just copy and paste but that beats the entire cause of finding genuine love. Sigh!

If you have been following this series, then you remember last week my hopes were soaring.

I had top three picks and a host of other chats that showed great promise of a blissful relationship.

Wait a minute, I actually had a coffee date lined up. Well, the coffee date never happened and I will be spilling those details in a bit.

Also, do you remember Mr Future Tense? The one who made me feel like we were going to know each other for a long, long time? Looks like I got my tenses all jumbled up because he is now Mr Past Tense.

Get some tea and let me tell you about my gruesome week on Tinder.

SPEAK THE TRUTH, SHAME THE DEVIL

Growing up, my devout Christian parents had a mantra they raised us by; “Speak the truth and shame the devil.” It was very easy to follow it back then, I took so much pride in shaming Satan.

However, as an adult, I am starting to feel the harsh effect of speaking the truth.

You see, I am no longer as preoccupied with shaming the devil as I am with not hurting or disappointing those around me. Yet, that’s exactly what I did last week.

I didn’t know that warming up to a potential lover includes telling some ” considerate lies” and saying things I didn’t actually mean.

I went spitting out truths that landed me smack into the fix I am in now; no boyfriend, not a single coffee date yet and staring at a bleak Valentine’s Day.

Let’s start with the coffee guy. We were to grab coffee in town and finally get to meet having had very nice interactions on the phone.

Two days before the set date he sent me a text on WhatsApp saying that that he was starting to like me a lot. It was immediately followed by a text asking whether I had slept alright and what my day was like.

I answered the second text oblivious of the impending hurricane.

He referred to the text about liking me and he added three question marks. I was puzzled and I asked what he meant. Huge mistake!

“You have nothing to say?” he shot back.

“Well, it didn’t seem like a question to me, ” I replied, a bit confused.

“Oh, so I tell you I like you, and you have nothing to say.”

“What should I have said?”

“Anything…a comment is a comment.”

“Shouldn’t I say what I mean. Shouldn’t it be from my heart?”

“You could have even said, oh that’s nice let’s get to know each other.”

“Are you now coaching me on what to say?”

“You know what, never mind. You have a lot of growing up to do. Please, lose my number.”

So that one came to a crashing end and yes, I hearkened to his plea and lost his number.

POSSESIVE
The next day, Mr Future texted me on WhatsApp and he sounded very jovial, much to my relief.

I was beginning to enjoy our witty chat when out of the blue he asked me what I was still doing on Tinder.

“Well, it’s a dating app and you know, trying to find love,” I replied cautiously.

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“So I am not enough for you. What’s the plan, meet all the men in there and flip a coin to choose the one?”

Folks, I froze as it slowly dawned on me that I was just about to lose another of my favourites. I hoped with all my heart that he was joking, waited for that ‘ gotcha! ‘ moment but alas, he was dead serious.

After I got over the shock, I realised that he was being very hypocritical. First of all, the only way he would have known I am still on Tinder is if he too was in there.

The spirits from my childhood whispered, ” Speak your truth” and so I did.

“I do not appreciate the tone of your conversation. I have every right to stay on that app and leave at the time I deem fit,” I replied sternly.

” I just don’t want to share you. My feelings get hurt when I see your profile and imagine all the guys looking at it. Yesterday I saw you even added another photo. Why, don’t we have something great going here?”

I couldn’t believe the nerve. So I went ahead to let him know that the interaction was no longer working for me. That prompted him to drop the act, revealing his true ugly colours;

“Oh thank God you called it quits! Honestly, I don’t think we would have lasted a week together. You are very opinionated. It doesn’t look nice on a woman.”

This fall-out made me question my entire instincts. Just the other day I was telling you how great he is. How he painted a crystal clear picture of our future together. Maybe I am getting rusty at reading people?

Finally, believe it or not, I think it is over between me and the guy who gave me heart palpitations last week. Remember the one I said that he showed so much potential that we might as well put an alert on him?

Well, turn of the alert please because I think we hit a dead end last week.

No, he didn’t do anything nasty. In fact, that’s exactly the problem, he didn’t do anything. We kept chatting like old friends. Last week he took the flirting a notch lower, so low that the thrill and heart palpitations are completely gone.

What is exciting about his fear of spiders or that he secretly enjoys eating chocolate?

At the beginning, these stories were adorable because I thought he was breaking the ice. This ice is broken, it is now lukewarm water and I feel myself drowning in the ocean of plain friendship.

You see, I didn’t come to Tinder to find a friend, my list of male friends is bloated already. I think I will unmatch him, before he asks me to be his best friend and sends me bff bracelets.

Although I dislike what speaking the truth did to my potential relationships, I am glad it enabled the other shoe to drop. Otherwise I would have been stuck with an overly possessive man, a control freak or another ‘just friend’.

As we approach February, the month of love, I hope great things await me because time is certainly not.

LOVE BY VALENTINE’S is a blog series that will run until Valentine’s Day. Our writer dreams of finding love by that day and at worst, a memorable date. Follow her adventure every week as she seeks to find love by Valentine’s. Got feedback and tips on how she can do this? E-mail: [email protected]



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Sordid tale of the bank ‘that would bribe God’

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Bank of Credit and Commerce International. August 1991. [File, Standard]

“This bank would bribe God.” These words of a former employee of the disgraced Bank of Credit and Commerce International (BCCI) sum up one of the most rotten global financial institutions.
BCCI pitched itself as a top bank for the Third World, but its spectacular collapse would reveal a web of transnational corruption and a playground for dictators, drug lords and terrorists.
It was one of the largest banks cutting across 69 countries and its aftermath would cause despair to innocent depositors, including Kenyans.
BCCI, which had $20 billion (Sh2.1 trillion in today’s exchange rate) assets globally, was revealed to have lost more than its entire capital.
The bank was founded in 1972 by the crafty Pakistani banker Agha Hasan Abedi.
He was loved in his homeland for his charitable acts but would go on to break every rule known to God and man.
In 1991, the Bank of England (BoE) froze its assets, citing large-scale fraud running for several years. This would see the bank cease operations in multiple countries. The Luxembourg-based BCCI was 77 per cent owned by the Gulf Emirate of Abu Dhabi.  
BoE investigations had unearthed laundering of drugs money, terrorism financing and the bank boasted of having high-profile customers such as Panama’s former strongman Manual Noriega as customers.
The Standard, quoting “highly placed” sources reported that Abu Dhabi ruler Sheikh Zayed Sultan would act as guarantor to protect the savings of Kenyan depositors.
The bank had five branches countrywide and panic had gripped depositors on the state of their money.
Central Bank of Kenya (CBK) would then move to appoint a manager to oversee the operations of the BCCI operations in Kenya.
It sent statements assuring depositors that their money was safe.
The Standard reported that the Sheikh would be approaching the Kenyan and other regional subsidiaries of the bank to urge them to maintain operations and assure them of his personal support.
It was said that contact between CBK and Abu Dhabi was “likely.”
This came as the British Ambassador to the UAE Graham Burton implored the gulf state to help compensate Britons, and the Indian government also took similar steps.
The collapse of BCCI was, however, not expect to badly hit the Kenyan banking system. This was during the sleazy 1990s when Kenya’s banking system was badly tested. It was the era of high graft and “political banks,” where the institutions fraudulently lent to firms belonging or connected to politicians, who were sometimes also shareholders.
And even though the impact was expected to be minimal, it was projected that a significant number of depositors would transfer funds from Asian and Arab banks to other local institutions.
“Confidence in Arab banking has taken a serious knock,” the “highly placed” source told The Standard.
BCCI didn’t go down without a fight. It accused the British government of a conspiracy to bring down the Pakistani-run bank.  The Sheikh was said to be furious and would later engage in a protracted legal battle with the British.
“It looks to us like a Western plot to eliminate a successful Muslim-run Third World Bank. We know that it often acted unethically. But that is no excuse for putting it out of business, especially as the Sultan of Abu Dhabi had agreed to a restructuring plan,” said a spokesperson for British Asians.
A CBK statement signed by then-Deputy Governor Wanjohi Murithi said it was keenly monitoring affairs of the mother bank and would go to lengths to protect Kenyan depositors.
“In this respect, the CBK has sought and obtained the assurance of the branch’s management that the interests of depositors are not put at risk by the difficulties facing the parent company and that the bank will meet any withdrawal instructions by depositors in the normal course of business,” said Mr Murithi.
CBK added that it had maintained surveillance of the local branch and was satisfied with its solvency and liquidity.
This was meant to stop Kenyans from making panic withdrawals.
For instance, armed policemen would be deployed at the bank’s Nairobi branch on Koinange Street after the bank had announced it would shut its Kenyan operations.
In Britain, thousands of businesses owned by British Asians were on the verge of financial ruin following the closure of BCCI.
Their firms held almost half of the 120,000 bank accounts registered with BCCI in Britain. 
The African Development Bank was also not spared from this mess, with the bulk of its funds deposited and BCCI and stood to lose every coin.
Criminal culture
In Britain, local authorities from Scotland to the Channel Islands are said to have lost over £100 million (Sh15.2 billion in today’s exchange rate).
The biggest puzzle remained how BCCI was allowed by BoE and other monetary regulation authorities globally to reach such levels of fraudulence.
This was despite the bank being under tight watch owing to the conviction of some of its executives on narcotics laundering charges in the US.
Coast politician, the late Shariff Nassir, would claim that five primary schools in Mombasa lost nearly Sh1 million and appealed to then Education Minister George Saitoti to help recover the savings. Then BoE Governor Robin Leigh-Pemberton condemned it as so deeply immersed in fraud that rescue or recovery – at least in Britain – was out of the question.
“The culture of the bank is criminal,” he said. The bank was revealed to have targeted the Third World and had created several “institutional devices” to promote its operations in developing countries.
These included the Third World Foundation for Social and Economic Studies, a British-registered charity.
“It allowed it to cultivate high-level contacts among international statesmen,” reported The Observer, a British newspaper.
BCCI also arranged an annual Third World lecture and a Third World prize endowment fund of about $10 million (Sh1 billion in today’s exchange rate).
Winners of the annual prize had included Nelson Mandela (1985), sir Bob Geldof (1986) and Archbishop Desmond Tutu (1989).
[email protected]    

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Monitor water pumps remotely via your phone

Tracking and monitoring motor vehicles is not new to Kenyans. Competition to install affordable tracking devices is fierce but essential for fleet managers who receive reports online and track vehicles from the comfort of their desk.

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Agricultural Development Corporation Chief Accountant Gerald Karuga on the Spot Over Fraud –

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Gerald Karuga, the acting chief accountant at the Agricultural Development Corporation (ADC), is on the spot over fraud in land dealings.

ADC was established in 1965 through an Act of Parliament Cap 346 to facilitate the land transfer programme from European settlers to locals after Kenya gained independence.

Karuga is under fire for allegedly aiding a former powerful permanent secretary in the KANU era Benjamin Kipkulei to deprive ADC beneficiaries of their land in Naivasha.

Kahawa Tungu understands that the aggrieved parties continue to protest the injustice and are now asking the Ethics and Anti-corruption Commission (EACC) and the Directorate of Criminal Investigations (DCI) to probe Karuga.

A source who spoke to Weekly Citizen publication revealed that Managing Director Mohammed Dulle is also involved in the mess at ADC.

Read: Ministry of Agriculture Apologizes After Sending Out Tweets Portraying the President in bad light

Dulle is accused of sidelining a section of staffers in the parastatal.

The sources at ADC intimated that Karuga has been placed strategically at ADC to safeguard interests of many people who acquired the corporations’ land as “donations” from former President Daniel Arap Moi.

Despite working at ADC for many years Karuga has never been transferred, a trend that has raised eyebrows.

“Karuga has worked here for more than 30 years and unlike other senior officers in other parastatals who are transferred after promotion or moved to different ministries, for him, he has stuck here for all these years and we highly suspect that he is aiding people who were dished out with big chunks of land belonging to the corporation in different parts of the country,” said the source.

In the case of Karuga safeguarding Kipkulei’s interests, workers at the parastatals and the victims who claim to have lost their land in Naivasha revealed that during the Moi regime some senior officials used dubious means to register people as beneficiaries of land without their knowledge and later on colluded with rogue land officials at the Ministry of Lands to acquire title deeds in their names instead of those of the benefactors.

Read Also: Galana Kulalu Irrigation Scheme To Undergo Viability Test Before Being Privatised

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“We have information that Karuga has benefitted much from Kipkulei through helping him and this can be proved by the fact that since the matter of the Naivasha land began, he has been seen changing and buying high-end vehicles that many people of his rank in government can’t afford to buy or maintain,” the source added.

“He is even building a big apartment for rent in Ruiru town.”

The wealthy officer is valued at over Sh1.5 billion in prime properties and real estate.

Last month, more than 100 squatters caused scenes in Naivasha after raiding a private firm owned by Kipkulei.

The squatters, who claimed to have lived on the land for more than 40 years, were protesting take over of the land by a private developer who had allegedly bought the land from the former PS.

They pulled down a three-kilometre fence that the private developed had erected.

The squatters claimed that the former PS had not informed them that he had sold the land and that the developer was spraying harmful chemicals on the grass affecting their livestock and homes built on a section of the land.

Read Also: DP Ruto Wants NCPB And Other Agricultural Bodies Merged For Efficiency

Naivasha Deputy County Commissioner Kisilu Mutua later issued a statement warning the squatters against encroaching on Kipkuleir’s land.

“They are illegally invading private land. We shall not allow the rule of the jungle to take root,” warned Mutua.

Meanwhile, a parliamentary committee recently demanded to know identities of 10 faceless people who grabbed 30,350 acres of land belonging to the parastatal, exposing the rot at the corporation.

ADC Chairman Nick Salat, who doubles up as the KANU party Secretary-General, denied knowledge of the individuals and has asked DCI to probe the matter.

Email your news TIPS to [email protected] or WhatsApp +254708677607. You can also find us on Telegram through www.t.me/kahawatungu

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William Ruto eyes Raila Odinga Nyanza backyard

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Deputy President William Ruto will next month take his ‘hustler nation’ campaigns to his main rival, ODM leader Raila Odinga’s Nyanza backyard, in an escalation of the 2022 General Election competition.

Acrimonious fall-out

Development agenda

Won’t bear fruit

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