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KITOTO: Men are not interested in me




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Thank you for the good work that you are doing. I am 28 years old and this is my concern: Men don’t seem interested in me. I have actually never dated anyone and this has led to my friends believing that something is wrong with me. They even make nasty jokes about me, asking if I am a lesbian. I am no longer comfortable in their company because all of them are either married or in serious relationships. Gradually, my esteem has been eroded and it is currently very low. I keep wondering what could be wrong with me. Am I not beautiful enough or is it my character that puts men off? Please help

There are a few things that are important in starting and maintaining a thriving relationship. First, build a healthy view of yourself. How we view ourselves is key to how we react to how others view of us. Not everybody is happy with who we are. We cannot solely allow what other people think of us to determine our happiness or success in life. I have always noted that when I have a healthy view of self, I am able to overcome any hurdle thrown my way.

My hope is that you should not allow one area in your life to cause cracks in the rest of the foundation you have made for your life. Life is more than marriage, more than money, and more than children — even though all these things are good.

There are many unhappy singles as there are many unhappy married people. The vice versa is also true. So, see life as more than these. Your happiness should not be in things, but in the fact that your life can make a difference whether single or married.

Second, grow a strong personal character built on a great value system. Your values feed your belief system, which is key in determining how you view and live life. Fear can kill our faith and destroy our ability to see the new opportunities that this life offers. Locking ourselves up or closing ourselves from people will only work against our desired intention to be part of other people’s lives.

Becoming sociable has its own risks, one of them being a choice to be vulnerable. We have to intentionally make the decision to see good in other people. Being negative or overly anxious places us in a place of doubt that could damage our connectivity with others.

Third, be sociable within acceptable limits as you face the realities of life. Following your fears or fantasising about what could be does not bring out what the real world looks like. Learning to accept who we are shapes us for the real world and teaches us how we can accommodate those who are not only different, but would appear to treat us differently.

The feelings you have are tainted with various experiences emanating from how you feel you have been treated. Put boundaries on how far other people’s view of you can affect your connectivity.

In life, feelings are not the end, but could just be part of the journey of finding and building love. We need to be careful of the biggest lie and misconception we have concerning relationships: “Because I feel great, it must be right.”

We should not forget that we live in a real world with real people who are facing real challenges that could have an impact on us.

Generally, love that is built purely on feelings lacks the necessary intelligence. Psychologist and author Shirley Glass states that “Relationships are contingent on honesty and openness.” Honesty does not mean that we condemn ourselves. When deception is allowed to entrench itself, it defines how we define reality.

Fourth, set clear priorities in life that are cognisant of the need for sacrifice. Looking at statistics on marriage and relationships in general, selfishness is possibly the most dangerous threat to building focused life. This is why it’s worth reflecting on Napoleon Hill’s words, ‘great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and never the result of selfishness, doubt or fear’.


Killing self-pity will have to be your number one priority. In relationships, people who allow their own selfish outlook and desire to rule how they view others is at greater risk of introducing a faulty self-image and therefore self-centred living. Growing self must have at its base an intentional effort to re-place self-centred behaviour and attitude with selfless acts of learning to affirm and love self.

People’s words can be poisonous. Quoting from an Anonymous writer, “A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.” It is up to you to determine what will cause you greatest concern.

Fifth, determine what brings you greatest pleasure. Every spouse must have a healthy view of the place of relationships and marriage. As I mentioned, believing that marriage is all that there is to life will create a distorted view of the purpose and intention of marriage. Indeed, some of your friends may be married and others dating, but they do not have the monopoly of knowledge in defining what true happiness really is.

Finally, our ability to steward our lives well is what gives meaning, direction, fulfilment and purpose to our lives. This is what you need instead of looking down on yourself. What we face in life may not be favourable.

However, our attitude matters on how successful our journey could become. We are called to be stewards who know and accept who we are; have a strong belief in our dreams, and who know how to refuel themselves.

Dealing with feelings of betrayal

When one feels like their dreams have been crashed, it is easy to shift blame. Although what people see as betrayal often becomes a painful journey, we have to realise that in this world, we will meet challenges and trials that will affect how we view life.

1. Acknowledge relational pain

Just knowing that I have been hurt or I have been misunderstood by others should be a sign that all is not well. Relationships function better where such hurts, once acknowledged, are followed by an affirmation that action is needed to rebuild trust. Instead of being taunted by pain that may lead one into depression, facing these challenges releases the pressure.

2. Seek peace with yourself and others

Where there is a relational challenge, each spouse suffers a certain level of pain and disappointment. How we deal with the pain and disappointment will pave the way to healing. Remaining objective on issues of life helps one see them more clearly. Pain has a way of clouding our desire to seek peace. Sometimes, the offender has to deal with things that distract, including the feelings of regret, blaming self, and feelings of shame.

3. Desire connectivity, not revenge

Feelings of vengeance should never be an option. The idea of an eye for an eye will not grant us the satisfaction we need.

4. Choose reason and wisdom

Revenge based on selfishness and a crave to get even gets us into a rut that can destroy. “Why do otherwise intelligent, well-adjusted, poised, and competent men and women lose all sense of control when they become husbands and wives,” asks Donna Otto?

The purpose of conflict is never to tear a couple apart, but to strengthen a couple’s commitment to the values of the relationship. Therefore, wisdom and reason dictate that we call for a marital truce as a conscious effort to cease hostilities, says Tim Muehlhoff. This opens a door for the conflict to be looked at through sober eyes.

It is the duty of every couple to make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification. Thriving relationships are not devoid of pain and suffering.



Sordid tale of the bank ‘that would bribe God’




Bank of Credit and Commerce International. August 1991. [File, Standard]

“This bank would bribe God.” These words of a former employee of the disgraced Bank of Credit and Commerce International (BCCI) sum up one of the most rotten global financial institutions.
BCCI pitched itself as a top bank for the Third World, but its spectacular collapse would reveal a web of transnational corruption and a playground for dictators, drug lords and terrorists.
It was one of the largest banks cutting across 69 countries and its aftermath would cause despair to innocent depositors, including Kenyans.
BCCI, which had $20 billion (Sh2.1 trillion in today’s exchange rate) assets globally, was revealed to have lost more than its entire capital.
The bank was founded in 1972 by the crafty Pakistani banker Agha Hasan Abedi.
He was loved in his homeland for his charitable acts but would go on to break every rule known to God and man.
In 1991, the Bank of England (BoE) froze its assets, citing large-scale fraud running for several years. This would see the bank cease operations in multiple countries. The Luxembourg-based BCCI was 77 per cent owned by the Gulf Emirate of Abu Dhabi.  
BoE investigations had unearthed laundering of drugs money, terrorism financing and the bank boasted of having high-profile customers such as Panama’s former strongman Manual Noriega as customers.
The Standard, quoting “highly placed” sources reported that Abu Dhabi ruler Sheikh Zayed Sultan would act as guarantor to protect the savings of Kenyan depositors.
The bank had five branches countrywide and panic had gripped depositors on the state of their money.
Central Bank of Kenya (CBK) would then move to appoint a manager to oversee the operations of the BCCI operations in Kenya.
It sent statements assuring depositors that their money was safe.
The Standard reported that the Sheikh would be approaching the Kenyan and other regional subsidiaries of the bank to urge them to maintain operations and assure them of his personal support.
It was said that contact between CBK and Abu Dhabi was “likely.”
This came as the British Ambassador to the UAE Graham Burton implored the gulf state to help compensate Britons, and the Indian government also took similar steps.
The collapse of BCCI was, however, not expect to badly hit the Kenyan banking system. This was during the sleazy 1990s when Kenya’s banking system was badly tested. It was the era of high graft and “political banks,” where the institutions fraudulently lent to firms belonging or connected to politicians, who were sometimes also shareholders.
And even though the impact was expected to be minimal, it was projected that a significant number of depositors would transfer funds from Asian and Arab banks to other local institutions.
“Confidence in Arab banking has taken a serious knock,” the “highly placed” source told The Standard.
BCCI didn’t go down without a fight. It accused the British government of a conspiracy to bring down the Pakistani-run bank.  The Sheikh was said to be furious and would later engage in a protracted legal battle with the British.
“It looks to us like a Western plot to eliminate a successful Muslim-run Third World Bank. We know that it often acted unethically. But that is no excuse for putting it out of business, especially as the Sultan of Abu Dhabi had agreed to a restructuring plan,” said a spokesperson for British Asians.
A CBK statement signed by then-Deputy Governor Wanjohi Murithi said it was keenly monitoring affairs of the mother bank and would go to lengths to protect Kenyan depositors.
“In this respect, the CBK has sought and obtained the assurance of the branch’s management that the interests of depositors are not put at risk by the difficulties facing the parent company and that the bank will meet any withdrawal instructions by depositors in the normal course of business,” said Mr Murithi.
CBK added that it had maintained surveillance of the local branch and was satisfied with its solvency and liquidity.
This was meant to stop Kenyans from making panic withdrawals.
For instance, armed policemen would be deployed at the bank’s Nairobi branch on Koinange Street after the bank had announced it would shut its Kenyan operations.
In Britain, thousands of businesses owned by British Asians were on the verge of financial ruin following the closure of BCCI.
Their firms held almost half of the 120,000 bank accounts registered with BCCI in Britain. 
The African Development Bank was also not spared from this mess, with the bulk of its funds deposited and BCCI and stood to lose every coin.
Criminal culture
In Britain, local authorities from Scotland to the Channel Islands are said to have lost over £100 million (Sh15.2 billion in today’s exchange rate).
The biggest puzzle remained how BCCI was allowed by BoE and other monetary regulation authorities globally to reach such levels of fraudulence.
This was despite the bank being under tight watch owing to the conviction of some of its executives on narcotics laundering charges in the US.
Coast politician, the late Shariff Nassir, would claim that five primary schools in Mombasa lost nearly Sh1 million and appealed to then Education Minister George Saitoti to help recover the savings. Then BoE Governor Robin Leigh-Pemberton condemned it as so deeply immersed in fraud that rescue or recovery – at least in Britain – was out of the question.
“The culture of the bank is criminal,” he said. The bank was revealed to have targeted the Third World and had created several “institutional devices” to promote its operations in developing countries.
These included the Third World Foundation for Social and Economic Studies, a British-registered charity.
“It allowed it to cultivate high-level contacts among international statesmen,” reported The Observer, a British newspaper.
BCCI also arranged an annual Third World lecture and a Third World prize endowment fund of about $10 million (Sh1 billion in today’s exchange rate).
Winners of the annual prize had included Nelson Mandela (1985), sir Bob Geldof (1986) and Archbishop Desmond Tutu (1989).
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Tracking and monitoring motor vehicles is not new to Kenyans. Competition to install affordable tracking devices is fierce but essential for fleet managers who receive reports online and track vehicles from the comfort of their desk.

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Agricultural Development Corporation Chief Accountant Gerald Karuga on the Spot Over Fraud –




Gerald Karuga, the acting chief accountant at the Agricultural Development Corporation (ADC), is on the spot over fraud in land dealings.

ADC was established in 1965 through an Act of Parliament Cap 346 to facilitate the land transfer programme from European settlers to locals after Kenya gained independence.

Karuga is under fire for allegedly aiding a former powerful permanent secretary in the KANU era Benjamin Kipkulei to deprive ADC beneficiaries of their land in Naivasha.

Kahawa Tungu understands that the aggrieved parties continue to protest the injustice and are now asking the Ethics and Anti-corruption Commission (EACC) and the Directorate of Criminal Investigations (DCI) to probe Karuga.

A source who spoke to Weekly Citizen publication revealed that Managing Director Mohammed Dulle is also involved in the mess at ADC.

Read: Ministry of Agriculture Apologizes After Sending Out Tweets Portraying the President in bad light

Dulle is accused of sidelining a section of staffers in the parastatal.

The sources at ADC intimated that Karuga has been placed strategically at ADC to safeguard interests of many people who acquired the corporations’ land as “donations” from former President Daniel Arap Moi.

Despite working at ADC for many years Karuga has never been transferred, a trend that has raised eyebrows.

“Karuga has worked here for more than 30 years and unlike other senior officers in other parastatals who are transferred after promotion or moved to different ministries, for him, he has stuck here for all these years and we highly suspect that he is aiding people who were dished out with big chunks of land belonging to the corporation in different parts of the country,” said the source.

In the case of Karuga safeguarding Kipkulei’s interests, workers at the parastatals and the victims who claim to have lost their land in Naivasha revealed that during the Moi regime some senior officials used dubious means to register people as beneficiaries of land without their knowledge and later on colluded with rogue land officials at the Ministry of Lands to acquire title deeds in their names instead of those of the benefactors.

Read Also: Galana Kulalu Irrigation Scheme To Undergo Viability Test Before Being Privatised


“We have information that Karuga has benefitted much from Kipkulei through helping him and this can be proved by the fact that since the matter of the Naivasha land began, he has been seen changing and buying high-end vehicles that many people of his rank in government can’t afford to buy or maintain,” the source added.

“He is even building a big apartment for rent in Ruiru town.”

The wealthy officer is valued at over Sh1.5 billion in prime properties and real estate.

Last month, more than 100 squatters caused scenes in Naivasha after raiding a private firm owned by Kipkulei.

The squatters, who claimed to have lived on the land for more than 40 years, were protesting take over of the land by a private developer who had allegedly bought the land from the former PS.

They pulled down a three-kilometre fence that the private developed had erected.

The squatters claimed that the former PS had not informed them that he had sold the land and that the developer was spraying harmful chemicals on the grass affecting their livestock and homes built on a section of the land.

Read Also: DP Ruto Wants NCPB And Other Agricultural Bodies Merged For Efficiency

Naivasha Deputy County Commissioner Kisilu Mutua later issued a statement warning the squatters against encroaching on Kipkuleir’s land.

“They are illegally invading private land. We shall not allow the rule of the jungle to take root,” warned Mutua.

Meanwhile, a parliamentary committee recently demanded to know identities of 10 faceless people who grabbed 30,350 acres of land belonging to the parastatal, exposing the rot at the corporation.

ADC Chairman Nick Salat, who doubles up as the KANU party Secretary-General, denied knowledge of the individuals and has asked DCI to probe the matter.

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William Ruto eyes Raila Odinga Nyanza backyard




Deputy President William Ruto will next month take his ‘hustler nation’ campaigns to his main rival, ODM leader Raila Odinga’s Nyanza backyard, in an escalation of the 2022 General Election competition.

Acrimonious fall-out

Development agenda

Won’t bear fruit

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