Chivalry was a creation of people’s imagination as a projection of what they would like to be treated like and never actually reflected reality.
“Where are the gentlemen like our fathers?” women ask. Let’s explore that today.
“Cultural commentators have a strange obsession with asking whether things are dead,” notes Becky Little, renowned history and culture journalist in Washington, D.C.
So here I am to whip the dead horse alive, without drafting a 160-page creative fiction document. Let’s start at the very beginning.
Which fathers are women talking about? Because these are the same fathers that they refer to as the high priests of patriarchy
Again I ask; who is this ancient chivalrous man that is now giving us a bad name?
Chivalry refers to a loosely put together code of conduct from the 12th century. It guided basic rules of war including who to attack and who to show mercy to.
The rules were supposed to guide the European Knights who served under different masters in the feudal systems.
Their masters were just warlords and the Knights were their guns for hire who later on employed good PR folk to clean their names.
The code of conduct was set up to try and redeem their image and make them seem less brutish than they were.
At the end of the 15th century, feudalism had died and so had chivalry, at least we thought it had.
This was until the 18th century when poets and artists brought it back and romanticised it.
Suddenly, it referred to gentle conduct in romantic love and Knights became honourable soldiers who fought to protect their nations and damsels in distress.
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, considered one of the most famous Spanish novelists who ever lived, through his book Don Quixote satirised chivalry so well that a disclaimer had to be included in the second edition that it was indeed satire.
Don Quixote was translated into 140 languages and comes second only to the Bible in the list of the most translated books in the world. So this discussion didn’t just start. It’s been there for a while.
But as language evolves so do meanings. Chivalry has come to represent the expected codes of conduct a (gentle) man should have towards a woman in a romantic space.
It’s the fuss around opening doors for people who have two hands, offering her your coat so that you can freeze to death, and making sure you walk her to the door before you walk to yours alone.
They’re expectations I found as I turned 18 and honestly things I didn’t care about. But all the same, these are things some women found to be endearing.
Since I wanted to be this gentleman they spoke of, I tried my best. It didn’t come naturally but they were standards that we had to follow or else be seen as brutes.
Thinking back though, this sounds like a continuation of the Spanish soap operas that we watched as kids. The ones with a new Alejandro on every new show.
The ones which every girl loved as they daydreamed on the men they would marry when they came of age. Unfortunately, the girls are still in Kenya and we’re what’s available.
I was about to say that I think chivalry died and won’t be coming home for Christmas but that’s even less accurate.
Chivalry was never born. Chivalry was a creation of people’s imagination as a projection of what they would like to be treated like and never actually reflected reality.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for treating people well in relationships. I’m all for respect and loving people fully, but to use abstract rules that most men don’t care for as a measure of love is foolhardy.
It’s also inconsiderate and a sure way of getting disappointed. Men love just as deeply as women do even if they might not verbally express it and may show their love in different ways which won’t be the ones in books and movies.
You know the Mills and Boons-esque books with white, long-haired shirtless toned men on horses? It won’t also be the love from the 1950’s movies where men kiss the hand of every woman they meet, hygiene notwithstanding.
Love will come with nyama choma. It will be illustrated with road trips. It’s when you are introduced to his close friends or he buys you flowers.
Chivalry will be displayed in many forms. So stop holding men to ridiculous standards that were made up by storytellers.
These standards are no indication of love. You’re being loved in the ways that we men know best. That’s what matters.
Singer speaks after attacking lover at WCB signee Zuchu’s star-studded concert
56 minutes ago
On 18 July, there was fanfare at the Mlimani City Hall in Dar es Salaam as WCB signee Zuchu held a thanksgiving concert months after her debut EP, I Am Zuchu. The event dubbed ‘Ahsante Nashukuru’ mainly featured performances by artistes from the WCB stable and attracted the whos-who in the Tanzanian entertainment and political scenes.
However, singer Gigy Money who also performed made the headlines for the wrong reasons after getting into a scuffle with her lover during the much-publicised concert.
READ ALSO: I was bewitched by a friend – Gigy Money
Peaceful arrival, later chaos
Moments earlier, Gigy and her Nigerian man were seen arriving arm in arm at the event whose highlight featured Zuchu receiving a brand new car from WCB head honcho Diamond Platnumz. Donning matching outfits, the couple was spotted on the red carpet as the paparazzi scrambled to capture the moment. However, all hell breaks loose later and viral videos depict the visibly angered Nigerian arguing with a bouncer at the entrance. After a tense confrontation, Gigy’s man is seen being led by the screaming bouncer towards the exit. Shortly after, a similarly irritated Gigy emerges and follows the pair.
“Gigy! Wewe Gigy wewe!” a woman in the background is heard dissuading the singer from pursuing them but the singer pays no heed and heads for the pair.
“You want to beat me?” the boyfriend is heard asking an approaching Gigy as the bouncer acts as a barrier between them. The bouncer manages to steer the incensed man towards the exit as Gigy follows behind, hurling obscenities.
At some point, a barefoot Gigy turns into a sprint before throwing one of her shoes which hits the man who then responds with an insult. Another bouncer finally intervenes and the two are separated. Gigy then asks for her vehicle so she can head home before warning the press against sharing videos of the incident.
Though the cause of their tiff is still unknown Gigy later made reference to the shocking incident in a social media post, hinting that alcohol had a part to play in the fracas. In another post, Gigy shared a photo alongside her estranged lover writing: “My mad man looked handsome before his demons arose and mine arose too.”
‘Running over Ali Kiba’
Gigy is not new controversy and recently said she’d run over her ex, singer Ali Kiba for breaking her heart.
“I will knock all of them down, I mean I will kill them. In fact, I will flatten them like chapatis. The first person I will knock down and kill is Ali Kiba. Actually, I don’t need a weak car, I need a Fuso so that when I knock him down I will be sure he doesn’t survive,” Gigy told Ayo TV.
Dating Kiba brothers
Gigy had in the past admitted to dating both Ali Kiba and his younger brother, Abdu Kiba. She solely laid the blame on Chekecha singer for pursuing her despite knowing that she’d been with his younger brother. Abdu expressed being heartbroken after learning the two had a fling, prompting him to marry.
“I was very hurt on hearing that Ali was dating Gigy Money because I dated her first before she became famous. But it’s alleged that Ali didn’t know. It hurt me for a while till when I married,” said Abdu.
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Why Jahmby Kokai is happy her TV anchor dream never came true
37 minutes ago
Popular media personality Jahmby Koikai narrated how her first attempt at auditioning as a TV host backfired and she was sent home on the first day of the audition. Reliving her prime days, Jahmby narrated how she was determined to follow her dream of becoming a news anchor after completing her degree.
“There was a reality show that was running on one major TV channel here in Kenya, searching for the next top news anchor. I’ve always had the knack for news. At the time, I was working at Metro FM. Walked to my boss and asked him if he was ok with me participating in this competition. He agreed to it.
“Auditions were at Film Studios. The queue stretched all the way to the showground. I was at the back kabisa. Imagine 300 people before you. Then we got the briefing paper and it indicated, ‘no persons with experience in a media house allowed to participate in this audition’. Mimi Jahmby Koikai, nirudi home after watu 300 kukuwa mbele yangu?” she posed.
According to the endometriosis survivor, she went ahead to audition for the position despite the warning and was the first contestant to be sent packing.
“So I stayed in line until I got to the audition room. The judges were a few people I was in campus with. I felt a wave of despair. Like I’m here auditioning, yet my classmates will be judging me? I did my thing and I was considered. We got into the house and we were assigned to different groups. I was the group leader and we won the challenge. Later that evening, we were driven back to Film Studios for a briefing. The presenter of the show said some of us have to go home.
“My name was called out first amongst other great people. We were dropped home. I cried. It felt like I’d lost such a great opportunity. My mom and late grandma were so sad cos they loved to watch me do the news,” she narrated.
Later, Jahmby auditioned for another TV opportunity only to miss out as well.
“Then came another opportunity over 10 years ago, I saw a TV ad and decided to apply for the news anchor position. I didn’t get the job.”
However, due to endometriosis, Jahmby was forced to put her dreams on hold and concentrate on getting better. According to her, it is as though God had better plans for her and is grateful to not have gotten the jobs.
“I battled severe endometriosis in silence for over 19 years. I think of how engaging the newsroom is and I’m grateful I wasn’t in that space. I’d have utilized all my sick-leaves and off-days and just declared redundant.”
There was a reality show that was running on one major TV channel here in Kenya, searching for the next top news anchor. I’ve always had the knack for news. At the time, I was working at Metro Fm. Walked to my boss and asked him if he was ok with me participating in this competition. He agreed to it. Auditions were at Film Studios. The queue stretched all the way to the showground. I was at the back kabisa. Imagine 300 people before you. Then we got the briefing paper and it indicated, ‘no persons with experience in a media house allowed to participate in this audition’. Mimi Jahmby Koikai, nirudi home after watu 300 kukuwa mbele yangu? Nikasema zi. So I stayed in line until I got to the audition room. The judges were a few people I was in campus with. I felt a wave of despair. Like I’m here auditioning, yet my classmates will be judging me? I did my thing and I was considered. We got into the house and we were assigned to different groups. I was the group leader and we won the challenge. Later that evening, we were driven back to Film Studios for a briefing. The presenter of the show said, some of us have to go home. My name was called out first amongst other great people. We were dropped home. I cried. It felt like I’d lost such a great opportunity. My mom and late grandma were so sad cos they loved to watch me do the news. Then came another opportunity over 10years ago, I saw a TV ad and decided to apply for the news anchor position. As you see in this pic, I got my hair done at Ralph’s Hair Salon, new suit etc. I didn’t get the job. After KBC, I never got to anchor the news again. I’m grateful I did not get the job even though I felt dejected at the time. I battled severe Endometriosis in silence for over 19years. I think of how engaging the newsroom is and I’m grateful I wasn’t in that space. I’d have utilised all my sick-leaves and off-days and just declared redundant. There are many people like me who are bound by chronic illness and cannot do the things they love. I share your pain. But there’s hope. I’m grateful to God for His reminder that He will restore to you all the years that the locusts have eaten. Also Jer 29:11