Q: I have a baby with the man I love. He has seen the baby only twice since she was born yet we live in the same location. He does not communicate and when I reach out, he is indifferent.
What I don’t understand is his lack of compassion towards his own baby. He does not support us emotionally or financially. I have seen that on social media, he posts pictures of himself with other women having fun. Am I wasting time with this man or should I quit? Please help.
I know what you are going through, lacking financial and emotional support from your baby daddy. Some of the questions that may arise from this may include, were you both ready to have the kid? Did you discuss it? It is important to seek a serious talk before concluding that he is wasting your time.
Evaluate if you both love each other and are ready for the situation. If after the talk he still doesn’t change, walk out. Calvin Queens, via email.
You are seeing a noncommittal man who you should consider having a candid talk with. This talk will enable you to lay down all your concerns and how you feel about the entire relationship, how he treats you and the baby you have with him and also remind him that he should take responsibility as a father figure. In case it becomes difficult to meet him then you can involve a close relative or friend to facilitate your meeting. Besides, there are legal channels you can also use to enhance his commitment in case it becomes hard for you to convince him by word of mouth.
I’m sorry girlfriend, but it looks like you got together with a deadbeat. These kinds of men don’t change – all they will give you is an emotional headache as you try to chase him for commitment. Just leave him alone and figure out a way to raise your baby because that’s who needs your emotional strength right now. You can meet with other single mothers who have walked the same path so that you see how they have done it, and find some support.
A man who is not interested in a long-term commitment with a woman tends not to be interested in her child either. It is important for you to reconcile yourself with this fact. Once you do, you will know the way forward. This truth may be painful to take right now, but please understand that the pain will go away after a while – and you will move on and raise your child and find love again. Be strong for your child.
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
Your predicament sounds very much like a classic case of two adults meeting and a relationship blossoming to the point where intimacy produces a baby.
Unfortunately for you, for some men, such cases do not translate into any form of exclusivity or commitment – which means that loving you was most likely not part of the package he was offering hence why you see him parading with other women on social media.
Before you give up it would be advisable to tell him that you seek exclusivity and a future with him, or that at least you would like him to maintain a connection with his child. The idea is to give him a choice to make so that you can know where you stand with him.
Expect a yes or no but do not force him to be part of a relationship setting he is not ready to be in; that will only cause you future heartaches with a man who is constantly indifferent.