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Confessions: I spent my savings on my side chick, now she wants to leave

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My wife left and took our child with her after learning of my affair (Shutterstock)

I am 32. I was married to a good woman until I met this campus girl last year. She is 25. We enjoyed life together, with her showing me love and many things I never thought existed. I was and I still am born again. The relationship has cost me so much. I have been taking loans to cater for our high lifestyle.

ALSO READ: Girl code: Take me as I am or else just let me be

My wife couldn’t stand this and she took our child and left. I have differed with my parents and spent all my savings because of this girl. Now that I cannot afford the lavish lifestyle, she is threatening to leave. She assaults any woman who even comes close to me. I really love her but I am confused and hurting. I don’t know what to do, please help.

{Ambrose}

 What the readers say:

Ambrose, your story sounds like a movie. Everybody knows what campus girls are all about and you got into this mess willingly. You say that you were and are still born again but I don’t see this in you. I don’t think you have any plans to marry this woman. Stop spending your hard-earned cash on someone who is just passing. She threatens to leave you because she is a hyena who is following where there are signs of a sumptuous meal. This woman surely has another man to keep her happy. Mend your ways, bring your family back, brother. Stick to your salvation as it never late to repent.

{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}

Now you are truly ‘born again’ as you have learnt your lesson. She must be cross with any woman who gets closer to you because she has to be sure no one shares her cash cow. Stop giving her money and you will see her with another man. She will not even try to hide this from you. Leave this scavenger, go back to your woman, apologise to her, pick up the pieces, begin afresh and never look back.

{Tasma Saka}

ALSO READ: He has a baby with another woman but he wants us to ‘fix things’

Yet she is threatening to leave, she assaults any woman who even comes close to me (Shutterstock)

Boke says:

Dear Ambrose,

I am glad you are learning the hard way. There are people who must go through an unpleasant experience for them to learn. It looks like you are one of them. The many things that you did not know existed that she has taught you do not seem to be beneficial at the moment. I do not know what these new things were but it sounds like nothing more than a sexual escapade.

Before you met this girl, a number of things could have been happening in your marriage and faith. One, although you knew that your wife was a good woman, you took her for granted. Gradually her beauty and charm faded before your eyes and she ceased to be attractive. At the same time, you stopped living in accordance to your faith.

All this made you easy prey. The girl found a naive man who could finance her lifestyle at a small cost. She cares nothing about you. On the other hand you traded your savings, your faith and your family for nothing more than a fling.

Well, it is not too late for you to get back on your feet financially. For your family to be restored, you will require much more effort. Begin by apologising to your wife then gradually working towards reconciliation.

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Remember, forgiveness may not necessarily lead to reconciliation. It will take a while before your wife can have a change of heart and there is nothing you can do about the pace at which the whole process takes. As you patiently wait, let there be a genuine change of character from your side.

ALSO READ: How to reconnect with your partner after pregnancy

Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology

 

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Simon says:

Ambrose, there are some fine lessons about this life that one gets to learn from time to time. Most of them you only get to understand through experience. The first and most important is that a small bird in the hand is many times more valuable than a big ostrich in the bush. The other is that in life, everyone has to set their priorities right, including having clear understanding of things in terms of the constants and variables. When you learn to value what you have far above what you can possibly get out there, then you get into a state that enables you to make rational decisions in life.

You say that you love this woman you are living with but I am pretty much in doubt about the kind of love she has for you. As you put it, she lives a lavish lifestyle that you have tried to finance in different ways, including taking up loans. Now that you appear to be running out or have actually run out of money, she is threatening to leave. With this, I wonder if it was you she was in love with or your money.

I can tell you for free that she does not have a single speck of love for you. She is accommodating you simply because you are taking care of her and her material needs. I can also tell you that you are not and have never been in love with her. You were only excited and fascinated by her. This fascination was also because she is probably the direct opposite of the wife you had. The problem with this kind of fascination is that you realise that what you thought was different is only different until you get it, then you realise that everything is all the same.

Yes, many people have on-the-side relationships. In these relationships, people live by the terms and conditions you set at the start. If you feed her with the wrong things, then the whole thing will be twisted. It should have been clear to her that your family comes first and that she is second (if not a distant second) period. You made her believe that she was actually first and this is why your wife left. If anyone was to leave, it should have been her not your wife and it doesn’t matter if you had impregnated her with twins or what kind of figure she has. She remains as a variable in your life and your wife is a constant.

Lastly, spending all your money and taking up loans to finance the needs of a secret lover is like using a mattock to kill a mosquito – it is really not necessary. If you were to go broke, the only person who stands by you is your wife. These lovers take off at lightning speed, and brand you ‘sumbua’ (unnecessary bother). Get your wife back and make amends with your parents as these are the people who love and appreciate you for who and what you are. This woman is not good for you.

Simon Anyona is a relationships counsellor

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The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Evewoman.co.ke

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Singer speaks after attacking lover at WCB signee Zuchu’s star-studded concert

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By Standard Entertainment



56 minutes ago

Controversial singer Gigy Money turned WCB signee Zuchu’s concert into a fight club, hurling shoes at her lover.

On 18 July, there was fanfare at the Mlimani City Hall in Dar es Salaam as WCB signee Zuchu held a thanksgiving concert months after her debut EP, I Am Zuchu. The event dubbed ‘Ahsante Nashukuru’ mainly featured performances by artistes from the WCB stable and attracted the whos-who in the Tanzanian entertainment and political scenes. 

READ ALSO: I’m not behind Diamond, Tanasha split- WCB’s Zuchu sets record straight

However, singer Gigy Money who also performed made the headlines for the wrong reasons after getting into a scuffle with her lover during the much-publicised concert.

READ ALSO: I was bewitched by a friend – Gigy Money

Peaceful arrival, later chaos

Moments earlier, Gigy and her Nigerian man were seen arriving arm in arm at the event whose highlight featured Zuchu receiving a brand new car from WCB head honcho Diamond Platnumz. Donning matching outfits, the couple was spotted on the red carpet as the paparazzi scrambled to capture the moment.  However, all hell breaks loose later and viral videos depict the visibly angered Nigerian arguing with a bouncer at the entrance. After a tense confrontation, Gigy’s man is seen being led by the screaming bouncer towards the exit. Shortly after, a similarly irritated Gigy emerges and follows the pair.

“Gigy! Wewe Gigy wewe!” a woman in the background is heard dissuading the singer from pursuing them but the singer pays no heed and heads for the pair.

“You want to beat me?” the boyfriend is heard asking an approaching Gigy as the bouncer acts as a barrier between them. The bouncer manages to steer the incensed man towards the exit as Gigy follows behind, hurling obscenities.

READ ALSO: I will get a baby with your eldest son – Gigy Money warns Zari

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At some point, a barefoot Gigy turns into a sprint before throwing one of her shoes which hits the man who then responds with an insult. Another bouncer finally intervenes and the two are separated. Gigy then asks for her vehicle so she can head home before warning the press against sharing videos of the incident.

Addresses incident

Though the cause of their tiff is still unknown Gigy later made reference to the shocking incident in a social media post, hinting that alcohol had a part to play in the fracas.  In another post, Gigy shared a photo alongside her estranged lover writing: “My mad man looked handsome before his demons arose and mine arose too.”

‘Running over Ali Kiba’

Gigy is not new controversy and recently said she’d run over her ex, singer Ali Kiba for breaking her heart.

“I will knock all of them down, I mean I will kill them. In fact, I will flatten them like chapatis. The first person I will knock down and kill is Ali Kiba.  Actually, I don’t need a weak car, I need a Fuso so that when I knock him down I will be sure he doesn’t survive,” Gigy told Ayo TV.

READ ALSO: Gigy Money under fire for dirty-dancing with married singer

Dating Kiba brothers

Gigy had in the past admitted to dating both Ali Kiba and his younger brother, Abdu Kiba. She solely laid the blame on Chekecha singer for pursuing her despite knowing that she’d been with his younger brother. Abdu expressed being heartbroken after learning the two had a fling, prompting him to marry.

“I was very hurt on hearing that Ali was dating Gigy Money because I dated her first before she became famous. But it’s alleged that Ali didn’t know. It hurt me for a while till when I married,” said Abdu.

 

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Defunct Nairobi County Council  Nurses Go On Strike, Citing Discrimination By The Government

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Defunct Nairobi County Council  Nurses Go On Strike, Citing Discrimination By The Government

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Why Jahmby Kokai is happy her TV anchor dream never came true

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By Diana Anyango



37 minutes ago

Jahmby Koikai is glad her dream of being a TV anchor never came true.

Popular media personality Jahmby Koikai narrated how her first attempt at auditioning as a TV host backfired and she was sent home on the first day of the audition. Reliving her prime days, Jahmby narrated how she was determined to follow her dream of becoming a news anchor after completing her degree.

“There was a reality show that was running on one major TV channel here in Kenya, searching for the next top news anchor. I’ve always had the knack for news. At the time, I was working at Metro FM. Walked to my boss and asked him if he was ok with me participating in this competition. He agreed to it.

“Auditions were at Film Studios. The queue stretched all the way to the showground. I was at the back kabisa. Imagine 300 people before you. Then we got the briefing paper and it indicated, ‘no persons with experience in a media house allowed to participate in this audition’. Mimi Jahmby Koikai, nirudi home after watu 300 kukuwa mbele yangu?” she posed.

READ ALSO: Jahmby Koikai back in Kenya after a year of treatment abroad

According to the endometriosis survivor, she went ahead to audition for the position despite the warning and was the first contestant to be sent packing.

“So I stayed in line until I got to the audition room. The judges were a few people I was in campus with. I felt a wave of despair. Like I’m here auditioning, yet my classmates will be judging me? I did my thing and I was considered. We got into the house and we were assigned to different groups. I was the group leader and we won the challenge. Later that evening, we were driven back to Film Studios for a briefing. The presenter of the show said some of us have to go home.

“My name was called out first amongst other great people. We were dropped home. I cried. It felt like I’d lost such a great opportunity. My mom and late grandma were so sad cos they loved to watch me do the news,” she narrated.

READ ALSO: Why I’m walking around with a mask- Jahmby Koikai

Second audition

Later, Jahmby auditioned for another TV opportunity only to miss out as well.

“Then came another opportunity over 10 years ago, I saw a TV ad and decided to apply for the news anchor position. I didn’t get the job.”

However, due to endometriosis, Jahmby was forced to put her dreams on hold and concentrate on getting better. According to her, it is as though God had better plans for her and is grateful to not have gotten the jobs.

“I battled severe endometriosis in silence for over 19 years. I think of how engaging the newsroom is and I’m grateful I wasn’t in that space. I’d have utilized all my sick-leaves and off-days and just declared redundant.”

 

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There was a reality show that was running on one major TV channel here in Kenya, searching for the next top news anchor. I’ve always had the knack for news. At the time, I was working at Metro Fm. Walked to my boss and asked him if he was ok with me participating in this competition. He agreed to it. Auditions were at Film Studios. The queue stretched all the way to the showground. I was at the back kabisa. Imagine 300 people before you. Then we got the briefing paper and it indicated, ‘no persons with experience in a media house allowed to participate in this audition’. Mimi Jahmby Koikai, nirudi home after watu 300 kukuwa mbele yangu? Nikasema zi. So I stayed in line until I got to the audition room. The judges were a few people I was in campus with. I felt a wave of despair. Like I’m here auditioning, yet my classmates will be judging me? I did my thing and I was considered. We got into the house and we were assigned to different groups. I was the group leader and we won the challenge. Later that evening, we were driven back to Film Studios for a briefing. The presenter of the show said, some of us have to go home. My name was called out first amongst other great people. We were dropped home. I cried. It felt like I’d lost such a great opportunity. My mom and late grandma were so sad cos they loved to watch me do the news. Then came another opportunity over 10years ago, I saw a TV ad and decided to apply for the news anchor position. As you see in this pic, I got my hair done at Ralph’s Hair Salon, new suit etc. I didn’t get the job. After KBC, I never got to anchor the news again. I’m grateful I did not get the job even though I felt dejected at the time. I battled severe Endometriosis in silence for over 19years. I think of how engaging the newsroom is and I’m grateful I wasn’t in that space. I’d have utilised all my sick-leaves and off-days and just declared redundant. There are many people like me who are bound by chronic illness and cannot do the things they love. I share your pain. But there’s hope. I’m grateful to God for His reminder that He will restore to you all the years that the locusts have eaten. Also Jer 29:11

A post shared by Jahmby Conqueror (@jahmbykoikai) on

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